{Bachelor AU} Recap with shite drawings. Episode three.

So ep3 of sexy hot churros twenty17 gives us the first big pash – A pig chase and the farewell of the mightily flexible.

So our first date is on a boat – and if you wanna forget you’re on a boat you won’t -because Laura and MattyJ talk about being on a boat for like the whole time. They are cute. He has had her eye on her since the very beginning (big words fella, it’s been like 6 days, I’m not sure your endurance really shows much credit) and she has been crushing hard since the very beginning. Oh. sigh.

The best bit is how fkn nervous she is and she does what most of us do and WON’T. STOP. TALKING. Think similar to: “I had a guinea pig named flea when I was five” – “I don’t like peas” – I broke my nail when I was 13″ – “Gee I like boats”.

They draw pictures of each other.

They giggle and flirt awkwardly (read above: guinea pig)

Then there is a fkn moment that seems to last for 27 years when they stare into each other’s ridiculously dreamy eyes and they pash. Like a good ol’ fashioned pash but on the positive, this time neither party makes a dash!

It’s adorable and slightly wet but the first kiss of the season always is.

Cheers to the adorable ones. bach 3

At the group date we are transported back to King Henry(?)’s time. There are massive costume dresses and pig chasing.

Nothing says 2017 like making girls wear old fashioned dresses, get dumped in a cage and chase baby pigs around in order to win a date with the one eligible bachelor *that reminds me must burn bra again soon in protest of something*

2 girls win and head to the ‘bachie banquet’

Next is a game of quoits (the toss a ring on a stick game) but to make it interesting they wack the girls into sacks. Genius right??

Then there is a fkn vicious game of soccer – like brawling would be a nicer way to say it.

The two winners from each group are off to dinner with hot royal churros.

Leah decided to play dirty (shocking I know) and fakes her true feelings “Oh, I take on everyone else’s problems. I’m so selfless. I’m a lover of the people” *cough cough*

Bachie is all like woah babes you alright?

Anyways then we roll around to the cocktail party – just the usual – Leah hates Simone – Simone hates Leah – Jennifer is fkn hilarious

Then the beat drops and tears are flowing and the most flexible in the group Akoulina is sent packing. She doesn’t seem too sad. Having said that she does seem a bit pissed about still wearing medieval wear.  READ: Where’s all the Alex Perry Couture?

Until next time my fancies…

THE GOOD: Laura is pretty popular and Elora is still cruising even if she was in the bottom three this week (well played producers)

THE BAD: Leah again needs to go to class something called “How not to lie to boys and like it”

Until next time – may the rose be forever in your favour.

{Bachelor AU} Recap with shite drawings. Episode two.

Yep it’s episode 2 of sexy hot churros bachie twenty-seventeen.

Today was pretty full on. We start by taking the gorgeous ever wanderlustful Elora on a boat. To Port Stephens. It looks colder than a penguin’s fanny TBH. Anyway they swim. She seduces him using as few words as possible. You can see they want to shag and i’m pretty during if they were at the Courthouse Hotel on a Thursday nite – 6 rum and cokes in – there would be a sleepover in their immediate future.

Elora is really fkn attractive and saying all the things like “I know what love feels like and it’s worth fighting for“. You can hear the producers in the background jizzing in their pants.

He like her. He gives her a rose. She’s safe for another day.

Then there is a group date. Its a photo shoot for a reputable magazine based around ‘first dates’ ep2

First up is a threesome. My mate Jennifer is made to dress like she has a condom on her head. Florence wears a red itsby bitsy bikini. MattyJ looks hot.

The producers are all obviously like “piss Jen off ASAP” because they make her stand in the background while Flo grips Matty in the pool like a toddler who doesn’t want to go to daycare.

Not long after Jen brings up out fave 80s line “No body puts baby in the corner”, dives into the pool and straight up onto MattyJ like a spider monkey.

The next scene was a party from 1989. Pretty boring really *checks facebook and instagram*, but then Sian does the worm. That’s pretty smashing.

The next scene was cheerleaders with three girls in the photoshoot. Not really sure who was there only Simone who was all with the talking/touching/giggling/flirting.

Sian and Leah stood on the sidelines throwing shade *jealous*

Then comes the best awkward bit on Australian TV since that time they announced the wrong winner of Australia’s Next Top Model. Having said that, even that fails in comparison to the actions of Leah 2017.

So Matty & Leah on a motorbike and fuck it’s annoying. MattyJ is all like I wish you brushed your teeth and Leah is all “I am so fkn gorgeous right now”

Nek minut Leah leans in for a pash. MattyJ does the dash with a solid ‘nu-uh galfrand’

It is brilliantly awkward and wonderfully tragic. *Producers jizzing again*

To remind us all about the romance and the rich people lives the bachie pretends to live, we then head to a private mansion and play tennis in a one on one date with barbie look-a-like Lisa.

Lisa looks fierce in the all-white ensemble she has been given *makes every single female in the country question their own sexuality*

She beats him in tennis. He likes it.

They go in the pool. Loads of giggling. Less sexual tension than that time with Elora but still they have fun (watch out friend zone possibility).

He gives her a rose. They look like Barbie and Ken do the bachelor.

We flash to all the ladies at the cocktail party. We can’t get past Sian and her ‘suns out tits out’ dress philosophy. Also there is some solid bitching between a couple of the girls. TBH we don’t care because we are still thinking about Leah and her attempted assault of MattyJ luscious lips.

Next comes the rose ceremony. Pretty predictable. All of a sudden there is this chick that looks like a Kardashian that no one has ever seen before in the last two. Obvs she is on the way out. Catch ya later Laura-Ann Kardashian.

THE GOOD: Elora is frontrunner. Lisa is holding good in second.

THE BAD: Leah needs to go to class about body language, specialising in ‘when a man doesn’t love a woman’.

Until next time – may the rose be forever in your favour.

{Bachelor AU} Recap with shite drawings. Episode One.

So bachie 5.0 kicked off this week and here is the world’s shittest replay.

So, we meet Matty J – you might remember him from that time he had his heart stamped on before the nation last year in Georgia Love’s bachelorette show. Not to be dramatic but it was quite possibly the most dramatic moment in Australian TV since the time that Maggie died on Blue Heelers.

Matty J is like a churros hot on the outside, lovely and delicious on the inside.

He likes long walks. Spending time with his nephew. Generally being awesome at life.

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In quick succession we meet this year’s desperate potential suitors.

One chick says looking at him makes her “ovaries tingle”. MattyJ looks absolute thrilled to hear that :/

Natalie – the former lesbian advises Matty J that he turned her straight again after she spent six months stalking him on Instagram.  Hot churros man looks overwhelmed. #NotAStalkerAtAll

Michelle the police officer lady arrives in a squad car – lights and all. Matty shits himself and remembers that time he peed in a bush and was arrested. She threw him around a bit. He liked it.

Cobie arrives in silence and makes churros man suck down a bunch of toxic helium gas so they sound strangely like drugged mice. He seems to think she is funny.

One chick with an entirely difficult to spell name comes in with some rhythmic gymnast moves that both confuse and clearly excite MattyJ with her infinite flexibility.

Then Leah arrives half starkers and declares she wants to show him her secret garden.

At the cocktail party all the girls are getting along famously more interested in pissing on each other, like puppies marking their territory before an intruder comes in. Intruder is a strong term, like they have all only been there for 37 seconds by this time. Elora is a fire twirler who is not only smokin’ hot personal trainer but comes from Hawaii and is so settled here she even brought her dog #HopeSheToldImmigration

Once intruder alert dies down, Elizabeth throws shade at Jennifer by saying “Yo babez your dress is putrid”. Jennifer cries. No one really cares.

Osher comes in like a perfectly styled Ken doll and announces the inclusion of a secret garden this year. Leah confirms she wants hot churros to see her secret garden.

Not long afterward Natalie gets 47 hundred thousand glasses of champers in her well toned guts and acts worse than a first-year kid at o-week. She farts publicly and runs around generally causing outrage and judgement.

Then it’s time for the rose ceremony. He kicks out Miss Personality and Monica (we don’t really know who Monica is, but obvs there was zero interest from MattyJ).

THE GOOD: we like Michelle and Lisa, they appear to be the frontrunners

THE BAD: Leah who is basically nakid and Natalie who may need a referral to AA.

Until next time – may the rose be forever in your favour.

 

{The Nest Reviews} Why you should watch 13 Reasons Why

NOTE: I have exactly zero qualifications when it comes to having the right to comment on what you should be or not be watching. The following is simply my experience as a mother, wife and friend. If you are experiencing a difficult time in your life then I implore you to should seek help through your doctor or give Lifeline a call on 13 11 14.

Last night I finished watching the Netflix Original television series 13 Reasons Why and I say without hesitation that I recommend that you watch it too. The show is intense. It is heartbreaking and powerful. It is tragic and overflowing with grief. I know its not really a good way to sell it, but 13 Reasons Why is not a show filled with optimism or the hope of tomorrow but rather a sense of urgency to look at those around you. 13-reasons-why-2

ABOUT

13 Reasons Why is based around the suicide of 17 year old school student Hannah Baker. Before she takes her own life Hannah releases 13 tapes that describe in graphic detail the people she says contributes to her death.

The story is part mystery – part crime drama as it follows the lives of a cluster of students at Liberty High School. There are all the usual players, the jock, the cheerleaders, the nerd and the outcasts. The show follows each of their stories and the role they allegedly play in Hannah’s decision to commit suicide.

WHY YOU SHOULD WATCH

This is FAR from an easy watching show, it will make you uncomfortable and uneasy. 13 Reasons Why covers a range of issues from sexual assault to bullying. It continues all the way to parental expectation and unspoken desires. There is legal injustice and a clear display of a lack of help to someone who is in desperate need.

This show is completely frustrating and provides the viewer with a confetti mix of emotions. I cried, I laughed, I sobbed and I literally felt ill. This show is graphic in its truth and I have zero doubts that all teenage girls experience at least one of the circumstances that happen to Hannah.

This show will stay with me for always, I can just feel it in my soul. As a mother to three daughters this show depicts almost every one of my fears for them as they grow into women. I truly believe that watching this show may cause distress to some, especially those who are already experiencing mental health issues but on the same token it has the power to save someone by opening a line of communication.

What this show does display is a beautifully raw depiction of what is unfortunately a truth for many young girls in our community. It shows how quickly a person can feel overwhelmed and not as though they have many answers. hannah

This show presents an opportunity for incredibly important conversations to be started. It is perfectly clear that due to our increasing suicide rate that there is not nearly enough discussion surrounding mental health issues. This show provides me with conversation topics to speak with my children about, it provides topics that need to be addressed even if they are uncomfortable. Yes, the graphic nature of the show is strong, but so is the message of helplessness and ultimate accountability. If this show provides one person a reason to ask another person if they are okay then all of sudden it makes it worthwhile.

I say this with a clear and strong warning, this show is confrontational. It will have many triggers for those in the community who have experienced trauma. You should not watch this show alone because I truly believe it needs to be discussed with someone.

The main outcome of the show for me was seeing that no matter how desperately helpless life can seem, you are only seeing your own truth. Hannah truly believed she has no other option but little did she see how much others around her truly needed her. There are two sides to every story and it is important to reach out to hear the other side before only believing your own.

13 Reasons Why may not be for everyone but I think it shows that suicide is a desperately permanent solution to a temporary feeling in life. Suicide is preventable but only if the signs and screams for help are seen by someone else.

LIFELINE: 13 11 14

{Book Club} Anything but Love

Every new year needs a little steamy goodness and our friend Jacqueline Hayley has your heart, mind and loins taken care of in her new seductive love story.

Set in outback Australia Anything but Love takes you on a seductive journey through the life of a city girl who moves to the Central West and falls in love with a farmer. It was meant to be anything but love.  anything-but-love

This provocative novel will have you on the edge of your seat and quickly you will find yourself dragged into a whimsical world filled with love, adventure and romance.

I gave this book to my mama with the strict instruction to report back within a fortnight to give me her opinion, she rang the next morning and said “I didn’t sleep and hot damn, that book kept me awake”.

Any book that is read within a night and stops your world has to be worth it.

Head to www.jacquelinehayley.com to grab your copy today.

You won’t be disappointed!

Happy reading nesters x

 

{Little People Looks} Little Boohoo Bargains

There is exactly zero that I love more than good children’s clothing, you add to that great value and a stylish edge and I am weak at the knees. boohoo5

Recently I discovered that one of my favourite brands was expanding from just catering for the grownups into also offering little people looks.

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Boohoo Kids is fresh, modern and funky. It is essential shirts, quality jeans and wonderful dresses.

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It’s trendy floral, destination denim and pops of colour.

One of my faves is that they offer fantastic shoes that go the distance, my little lady has been knocking about in these Leopard Print Trainers and they still look brand new.

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If you want a cool new look for the little people then make sure you check out Boohoo Kids.

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I love that postage is not even a problem, to be honest I often receive packages from Boohoo quicker than I receive parcels bought in Australia, the team at Boohoo know the need for quick turn around on your latest looks. Plus, once you spend $40 postage is free!

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Boohoo Kids is cool, hip and urban and your little people will love the way the clothes make them feel.

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Happy shopping nesters

SHOP HERE| www.boohoo.com |

*While this is a sponsored post made in collaboration with Boohoo.com all opinions stated are the writer’s own and a true reflection of her experience with the item* 

 

 

{The Nest Loves} The DailyGreatness Journal may just turn your life around

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I am the Kween of procrastination, promises of tomorrow and ‘gunnas’ but I have finally found something to help reign in my poor excuses and bad food choices.

Friends, let me introduce you to the DailyGreatness Journal.

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The premise of these little beauties accourding to their creator Lyndelle Palmer Clarke is that you can “be your own guru, the journals help to empower you to consciously create your days, help you reach your potential and support you in realising you are the architect of your destiny”.

You can choose between either the Daily Greatness Journal, the Daily Greatness Business Planner, Yoga Journal or Training Journal (12 week). journals

I am planning on getting my chubby little mitts on the DailyGreatness 12 week Training Journal, how brillz will that be during the lead up to summer?

What feature I love the most is that the journals offer a holistic training guide, especailly targeted towards women. Plus, any help to be healthier and live longer is great!

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In addition, if you know me at all you will know what a ridiculous stationary addict I am, and thankfully these journals are not only good for my health but also my eyeballs! Offering high quality paper, beautiful luscious designs as well as the kick in the arse I need, it really is a match made in heaven.

Pop over and check out the store at DailyGreatness today.

Happy life planning Nesters xx

 

 *DailyGreatness & The Central Nest are affiliates, so when you purchase from them you are helping our little blog x