No two people are the same. I understand that.
Every single relationship is different.
It made me think, how much has the tradition of marriage changed and is it now common place for women to get married and not to take their husband’s name? My husband and I were married in Port Douglas on 7 July 2009 and it was wonderful. To be honest, short of the occasional shit-stirring expedition I never really considered not changing my name. My husband felt quite strongly about his desires for me to change my name. Having said that, I am sure he still would have married me if I chose not to, but it was his opinion that together in front of our family and friends we would be choosing one name for our own new little family.
I think in extension of that, we both knew we wanted to have children one day and while we wished them to have their own sense of identity we definitely wanted that unity of the same family surname to embrace them.
On the flip side, in my career it would have definitely been easier to keep my maiden name. This is because my father is well-known in the same industry that I work in and has made quite a ‘name’ for himself. Without a doubt the opportunity to grab onto those coat-tails was definitely enticing, but, what would that have shown my future daughters? I need to show them that you can make your own name (even if you have chosen to take someone elses!).
It is such a complex idea, so much of your identity is wrapped up in your name. It was who I had been known as for most of my life but here I was choosing to change my name for the love of another.
I guess it is a personal choice. I know that if one of my daughters does not want to change her name when/if she marries then that is entirely her choice and I will support her either way but for me it was something I wanted to do.
I know that having the same name as my husband does not make our relationship any better or stronger than those who choose to maintain their own name, but for me somehow it makes a difference.
So now, almost six years later I am still me but a little different version of me. I am a wife, a mother, a student, a writer, a procrastinator, an average cook, a reader, a clerk, a friend, a sister, a daughter. Not much of that relies on what my surname is. I am me.
Did you change your name?