{This is life} Why I run to save my mind

This is an article contributed by one of our fabulous nesters. She chooses to remain anonymous, and we are super okay with that! So, let’s keep it positive and supportive and let her know she is not alone x

watercolourPreface: I wrote this not because I’m pro running or I wanted to encourage people to exercise. Not because I wanted to shame people who sleep train or those who don’t. I wrote this for the all mums who are at their wits end. To the ones who don’t get regular breaks from their children. To the ones whose kids don’t sleep. The ones who feel their control slipping, their world crumbling. The ones who are dying inside.

You, you reading right now, you’ve got this.

You can.

So find what works and do it! Do it every damn day until everything finds its place. I promise that this too shall pass xxx

Let’s talk exercise. It’s always been proudly a word that wasn’t in my vocabulary. Although I consider myself an fairly active person, I mow the lawns, walk my boys to school and I’ve always been the mum that chases her kids at the park. But I’m talking formal exercise. The kind the makes me sweat. A lot. To be honest, it’s not really my cup of tea.

Last year in August I found my mental health slipping, my youngest was nine months and had never really slept, he was, and still is really hard work. My gorgeous little bundle of joy has been a right handful since the day I met him. My baby, he doesn’t like to be carried or cuddled but at the same time doesn’t want you out of sight! Before he could move on his own that would make for a stupidly hard situation. Pick him up to carry him he would thrash and squirm and squeal. Walk to put the washing on and not take him with you?

Stage 10 meltdown.

What am I supposed to do with that?

Getting him to sleep was hard. He never wanted to be cuddled to sleep. He wouldn’t lay in our bed. I couldn’t bare to leave him to cry. How was I supposed to get this kid to sleep? Everyday,  for every sleep I would put him in the cot. He would cry. I would pick him up and try to cuddle him and he would squirm until I put him back down.

Over and over and over.

Sometimes I could power walk him around the house in the carrier, but he was getting heavy and once he was asleep apin drop would wake him. I could never transfer him to the cot, so I would have to sit slumped over with him asleep on my back crying, balling.

The struggle was real.

I was convinced I had post natal depression. I went to the doctor. I begged for help. I asked anyone that would listen for more than five minutes. No one had any advice. Usually as a parent you are surrounded by people who love to dish out unsolicited parenting advice but when you actually ask for it you get nothing.

Tresillan was all I was offered over and over. I read their parent information book so many times. Their sleep School techniques just weren’t for me.

I yelled at my husband. I blamed him because I couldn’t make it work. I was being pushed into a corner, being forced to do something I didn’t want to do because the alternative was dire, really dire. I was on the edge.

It effected my whole life. I couldn’t remember taking my older boy to school. I would constantly lose things.

My patience was gone.

When the baby did finally sleep, I would lay there so consumed by my exhaustion it was take hours for me to drift off. I was the kind of tired that “here I’ll take you baby for an hour just couldn’t fix” I would laugh at the suggestion, not that it was offered often. Unless you’re taking him for a week, there’s no need to bother. That hour would only be used laying in bed thinking, trying to fall asleep only to have the knock on the door and reality to be staring me back in the face.

I went to a therapist, I told her I was depressed. She assured me that is was indeed just suffering from extreme exhaustion.

It takes a village to raise a baby and my village is small, really small. I passed the baton and that was it. It was my husband’s turn.

My husband,  my hero.

He took the night shift from that day, very day. Every shift. For the next month I slept, every night. I woke up every time the baby made a sound but I slowly drifted back off.

After two weeks, I decided I was going to make a change. I couldn’t just hope forever that sleep was coming. I was now convinced that the baby would never sleep through the night and this was my forever.

So, I started running.shoes

I mostly started because listening to him wake up and cry, killed me. It was a reminder that although the nights are over, the days are here, I was on my own and they were even harder.

Every morning at 5am he would wake up screaming.

So. I set my alarm for 4:30am and run.

I ran from my problems, I ran from the baby and his cries, I ran from my life.

The problem is as I mentioned earlier, I had never actually exercised before. So, really, technically, I didn’t run. I walked, ran, stopped for a stitch and hobbled.

Then came home.  Every day.

Now I can run.

Now the baby sleeps through the night and he doesn’t wake up crying (probably because he sleeps through the night) and now when strangers say “what a happy baby” I don’t feel the urge to kick them in the shin.

Monday to Saturday  6 days a week I run. Not far. Only about 2.5kms to the end of my street and back.

Some days it’s easy, some days it’s hard.

I haven’t lost any weight and let me assure you, I’m not very good at it. You know those coordinated women on the Nike ad? Yeah, no, nothing like that. But everyday I get up and give it a go because I want my kids to know that even though they are hard work, it’s all about attitude. It’s all about trying, giving it a solid go. Not giving up when shits really fucking hard and to never ever be afraid to ask for help!

I found Instagram a place of inspiration and in particular @mrs_paulie. She is a powerhouse and has been my girl crush for so long it’s boardline stalkerish, check her out!

So on that note, Peace lovers This rad bitch is going for a run xxx

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{This is life} 9 ways to find support as a carer

Since starting this little blog a while ago I have been lucky enough to meet some incredibly brave and wonderful people. These are the people that put their loved one’s needs first and care for them day and night. Being a carer is an extremely demanding and tiring job and I think it is so important that they don’t forget to care for themselves as well.

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Here is a list of Ways To Find Support As A Carer, because remember you need care as well.

Take care of you nesters x

 

{The Nest Writes} Suicide. The most indiscriminate form of heartbreak.

There is an incredibly horrific pandemic that is taking hold of Australians. It affects the old, the young, the men, the women and the children.

It doesn’t discriminate. It affects the wealthy, the poor, the average. It takes the powerful, the weak and the popular.

It is rising. It is permanent and as a nation we need to stand side by side to find out how we can significantly lower the rates of suicide in Australia.suicide

Let me tell you a story.

Once upon a time there was a 27 year old man. He ran his own successful business, had parents who adored him, a girlfriend who loved him and a best mate who found him hanging from a noose in his shed.

There was a little girl with dark hair and chocolate skin. She was 10 years old and after experiencing an overwhelming sense of hopelessness made the choice to end her life and sever any chance of future happiness.

A 32 year old mother of three takes her own life just four months after her littlest baby is born. Leaving a heartbroken husband and three young girls without a mother.

A brave, courageous 37 year old man recently returned home from active duty defending his country and due to the torment he continued to live with every day took his life with a single bullet.

The suicide rate in Australia is appalling and according to the Australia Bureau of Statistics there has been a significant rise in death by suicide in young women. A rise which means we are sitting terrifyingly at a a 13 year high.

Let me break this down for you, Australia’s current suicide rate is sitting at around 12 per 100,000 people.

Our men that surround us, you know the burly, strong, masculine men are crumbling around us. Men make up three-quarters of people who commit suicide and this is the scariest part, suicide remains the main cause of death for young people in Australia.

Let me repeat that loud and clear.

It isn’t car crashes or drugs. It’s not coward punches or risky behaviour. Nor is it anything else you see splashed across the nightly news. It is a conscious decision to end their own life. A decision to save themselves from the anguish of a self-formed reality of hopelessness that they live in. This is incredibly heartbreaking.

So what can we do? We need to identify why these people are feeling so hopeless. We need to not let anymore beautiful young people slip through the net.

Black Dog Institute director and chief scientist Helen Christensen said a new approach was needed to drive down suicide rates “if we want to be really serious about saving lives, we need to understand why people become suicidal and identify how we can best tackle these issues before they reach crisis point, if we look to the research evidence from here and overseas, there are clear strategies that have been proven to reduce suicide risk. Only some of these are currently in use in Australia, and implementation tends to be scattered and disproportionate to their impact.”

So what are these strategies?

We need to acknowledge, spread and share the word that suicide is everyone’s business. Every single one of us has an obligation to speak more openly about depression, hopelessness and sadness. We need to look around us and stare deeply into those around us to see even the most minute cries for help. So I want you to turn up, call and simply ask the question “Are you okay?”.

You need to listen to those around you. Like really, deeply listen. Actively.

Be proactive, don’t just say “call me if you need anything” that is way too vague. You call them. alone

We need to escalate the pressure placed on our government to increase early intervention through our medical teams. This includes increasing support for our troops who return home from combat.

We need more money to research the groups of the population who are more at risk. Why do people feel so helpless? It must be because there is not enough help available.

Just raise awareness. Ask the questions. Be there.

Even if today is a tough day, your past shows you have a 100% survival rate.

If you or someone you know needs help, call Lifeline on 13 11 14 or visit its website.

{The Nest Health} The Struggle Of New Mums With Postpartum Depression

Please take the time to read this. I cannot stress that enough.

Postpartum depression or anxiety is the MOST common complication of childbirth.

It is non discriminatory. It is horrible. It will engulf you and those you love.

The Struggle of New Mothers With Postpartum Depression will help explain to you what you need to know about this condition.  postpartum

Follow this link to see the full image -> The Struggle of New Mothers With Postpartum Depression

Knowledge is power and you might just save someone you love.

Happy health Nesters x

 

{This is life} One very selfless local is doing to her bit to help others

Giving the gift of a child to another is an amazingly selfless gift.

Local lady Laura Hannan has shared her story today in Central Western Daily and it is pretty remarkable. photo orange donor

You can find her story here -> Why One Orange Mum Donates Her Eggs

Laura is trying to raise awareness and encourage more local woman to consider donating their eggs to help others. It is pretty amazing to possess that amount of generosity.

Thank you Laura for being brave enough to give another sista a chance at a family.

{Twins are twice as nice} but.. how about a little support – did you know that Multiple Birth Awareness Week is from 9-16 March?

So you fall pregnant and think how wonderful life will be with your new little mini-me.. then you go for a scan and discover not one but two heartbeats.. or even three!

Having multiples is not only a lesson in patience but tough, rewarding, difficult, funny and sometimes isolating – especially if you live in the country.

Enter the Bathurst Multiple Birth Association (BXMBA). They are a lifeline. They are new friends. They are support.

babytwins

The BXMBA is a not for profit organisation which was originally set up to help multiple birth families to network, find support and friendship while parenting twins, triplets or more!

It is a volunteer run club that is part of a greater support network of 65+ clubs nationally.

When you join the BXMBA you get: fun, support, connection with other parents/carers of multiples, playgroup, outings, information nights, parent nights out, morning teas, Christmas party, monthly meetings, newsletters and magazines.

The Facebook access (to members only) is where you can get support, ideas or just have a chat without leaving your home. Other bonuses are the fact that you have access to resources such as information on multiples from pregnancy to beyond the start of school including but not limited to books and DVD’s.

The group also runs the Bathurst Multiple Birth Association Playgroup. This playgroup is held at Bathurst Baptist Church, 188 Eglinton Road, Bathurst. They are there for a friendly chat (and to tire the kids out!) every 2nd Monday of the month during the school terms. All you need to bring is yourself, your babies and a gold coin donation ($2.00 for members and $4.00 for non-members). They will even feed you morning tea!MiniTrains Poster

If you or someone you know would like to join the BXMBA you can find them at bxmultiples@gmail.com

To celebrate Multiple Birth Awareness Week which runs from 9th – 16th March the BXBMA is hosting a free event for all families of multiples. There will be some laughs at the mini-train day which includes face painting as well! It really is a great chance to get out and meet other families of multiples around your area. Microsoft Word - multiple birth awareness week poster 3.docx