Kick up a stink (or hide one)..

Poo, it really is a stinky job toilet training your baby birds.

toilet

There will be accidents (and deliberate misdemeanours).

Hypothetically, there may also be times when your toddler-bird pulls down her pants and deposits a nice big turd in aisle 7 of your local Woolworths. You may or may not have wipes with you that day. You (this continues to be hypothetical of course) may also have a screaming baby, a trolley load of perishables and the skills of David Beckham to stealthy kick said poop under the aisle. Hypothetically, you may also owe a massive apology to ‘Phil’ from the produce section who you blamed the smell on. (Note to self: perhaps should also send a bottle of wine).

You need to accept that you will become aware of the 3 closest toilets to your local Coles (we go there now… no reason for the change).

You will no longer have a trip straight from A to B. You will now pass through G, J, P, Q and R. You will need to visit every-bloody-single restroom at every-bloody place you visit for the next two years. poop

Our toddler-bird struggled to start with. She desperately wanted to do it but just couldn’t make the connection between needing to go and holding on long enough to get to the toilet. We tried sticker charts and bribery. We used positive-reinforcement. We hesitantly tried negative-reinforcement. All without much success. Then one of gorgeous friends introduced us to ‘Mr Poo goes to Pooland’ by Tasmin Black.

Written in kids language. With sensational ‘stick’ figure drawings it sent home to toddler-bird the ideas needed to be a successful toilet attendee.

The only downfall is the fact that we as a family, now farewell our toddler-bird’s poops with as much fanfare as the Thanksgiving Day Parade. But hey, we can use the money saved on nappies for therapy one day.

I really recommend this book to anyone who is attempting to toilet-train their little birdies!

Good luck little Nesters!

The toddler-bedtime six step procrastination program

I think planning every aspect of the next Olympics in Rio would be simpler than convincing my toddler-bird that it is bedtime. There is a six step procrastination program that is undertaken most nights in our house.

toddler sleep image

Step 1: The camel is thirsty. Toddler-bird does not need a drink for 16 hours then at bedtime is desperately parched.  After drinking a small cup of water using about 127 sips we agree to go to bed. Goodnight toddler-bird.

Step 2: My dolly baby needs to be wrapped in a blanket. Papa-bird delicately wraps hard plastic one-armed doll in bunny rug. This is not good enough; it must have its nappy changed as well. Papa-bird mutters words under his breath, but alas dolly baby is changed and ready for bed. Goodnight toddler-bird.

Step 3: I am cold. I need to wear my princess mermaid costume, gumboots, sunhat, apple shaped sunglasses and tutu to bed. Now we are finally ‘properly’ attired for bed. Goodnight toddler-bird.

Step 4: I love you. It has been approximately 27 minutes since I hugged papa-bird and it must be done again before I can possibly sleep. Plus hugs are needed for the mama-bird and the baby-bird. Now the cat. Hugs all round. Goodnight toddler-bird.  

Step 5: I need to go to the toilet. AGAIN. After sitting on the toilet for 10 minutes with no activity we finally agree to go back to bed. We flush the toilet. Wash our hands. Dry our hands. Finally crawl back into bed. Goodnight toddler-bird.  

Step 6: The final step is the rambling. It starts like this, “Mama-bird I can’t sleep, I am not tired”. “Today I saw a fish”. “Look mama-bird I have a freckle on my arm”. “Do you think baby-bird likes pumpkin because it is orange”? Slowly the sounds stop, the talking becomes quieter. Goodnight toddler-bird.

After about 40 minutes, papa-bird and mama-bird are able to channel their inner Mexican-drug-cartel-chiefs and enter toddler-bird’s room without a sound. With the upmost stealth they remove the 47 books that are in the bed. Pull up the blankets which are found delicately creating a cubbyhouse between the doll’s pram and bookshelf and with the grace of Tinkerbelle are able to kiss toddler-bird’s forehead and escape from the room. Goodnight Toddler-bird. We look forward to tomorrow’s adventures.