I think planning every aspect of the next Olympics in Rio would be simpler than convincing my toddler-bird that it is bedtime. There is a six step procrastination program that is undertaken most nights in our house.

Step 1: The camel is thirsty. Toddler-bird does not need a drink for 16 hours then at bedtime is desperately parched.  After drinking a small cup of water using about 127 sips we agree to go to bed. Goodnight toddler-bird.

Step 2: My dolly baby needs to be wrapped in a blanket. Papa-bird delicately wraps hard plastic one-armed doll in bunny rug. This is not good enough; it must have its nappy changed as well. Papa-bird mutters words under his breath, but alas dolly baby is changed and ready for bed. Goodnight toddler-bird.

Step 3: I am cold. I need to wear my princess mermaid costume, gumboots, sunhat, apple shaped sunglasses and tutu to bed. Now we are finally ‘properly’ attired for bed. Goodnight toddler-bird.

Step 4: I love you. It has been approximately 27 minutes since I hugged papa-bird and it must be done again before I can possibly sleep. Plus hugs are needed for the mama-bird and the baby-bird. Now the cat. Hugs all round. Goodnight toddler-bird.  

Step 5: I need to go to the toilet. AGAIN. After sitting on the toilet for 10 minutes with no activity we finally agree to go back to bed. We flush the toilet. Wash our hands. Dry our hands. Finally crawl back into bed. Goodnight toddler-bird.  

Step 6: The final step is the rambling. It starts like this, “Mama-bird I can’t sleep, I am not tired”. “Today I saw a fish”. “Look mama-bird I have a freckle on my arm”. “Do you think baby-bird likes pumpkin because it is orange”? Slowly the sounds stop, the talking becomes quieter. Goodnight toddler-bird.

After about 40 minutes, papa-bird and mama-bird are able to channel their inner Mexican-drug-cartel-chiefs and enter toddler-bird’s room without a sound. With the upmost stealth they remove the 47 books that are in the bed. Pull up the blankets which are found delicately creating a cubbyhouse between the doll’s pram and bookshelf and with the grace of Tinkerbelle are able to kiss toddler-bird’s forehead and escape from the room. Goodnight Toddler-bird. We look forward to tomorrow’s adventures.